Seminary, Part 2

I'm finished with my essays for seminary. I can't edit them any more thoroughly than I've already edited them.

Like I said in Part 1, the process of seminary has uncovered grave details about myself, my place in Durham, the Triangle, and the church, and what God would PROBABLY want me to do in my ministry. And a lot of what I've learned has jarred me.

I've discovered that my political and theological leanings steer me towards the mindset of what I call conservative envangelicalism. In layman's terms, I believe that the Bible should not be called into question, but at the same time, I stop short at calling myself a legalist or fundamentalist, because the stereotype of that title does not fit my personality.

God has also gently nudged my heart toward realizing that I have played a Jedi mind trick on myself for much of my adult life. I am a young African-American male that comes from a less-than-perfect family and academic infrastructure, and I've tried to fit in a culture here in Durham of people from more stable situations for years, to mixed success.

At the same time, I've never really fit in with African-American culture, and I confess that I find it unlikely that I will marry within my race, if I marry at all. Black women intimidate me more than women of any other race. I don't know why.

God created me in a very unique fashion. And I don't know if my personality or my experiences will mesh with the denominational politics of the world. I may not be a conventional minister. That's probably a good thing. There's too much of that out there.

I truly wish I knew what I'll be doing in the next few months. Will I remain with my church family for the long haul, or will I change cities or become involved with something that fits my vision of ministry even better?? I don't know. I HOPE not. Will I enroll in seminary or thrive in it? Will I have to get retrained vocationally to survive in this present broken world?? That's up in the air. How long will this season of singleness, healing, and discernment last before I advance to the next plateau in life? Hard to say.

It/s a wild ride.