Seminary, Part 3

I finally reached some sort of clarity in my Christian life Tuesday night.

I was composing an email to one of my pastors when God changed my heart. For the past two months, I allowed myself to be preoccupied with the prospect (realistically slim nonetheless, but still a possibility) of attending DUKE UNIVERSITY'S DIVINITY SCHOOL! I believed that I would not have a chance in hell of getting in, but after an awesome visit in February, I continued on.

I went on to go through an application process that was very rigorous. It was, honestly, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I had to ask five persons to write me a letter of recommendation; that chore was a stretch because I would have to seek cooperation from Methodist University, and I hate to say that my college years weren't the most coherent years of my life academically. The essays that required me to write about my calling and theological issues were draining, but they also helped me to figure out what I am passionate about. I may have discussed this calling in previous parts of this blog series.

My original plan was to either be a second banana at a multiracial church or work in the non-profit industry. God laughed at that plan and put people in my life to remind me that the pastoral thing wouldn't suit my personality. There's a lot of denominational and social politics involved with the title of pastor, and I don't think I want that. I'm also concerned that I would be placed in a situation or pressured to make certain life decisions that my Asperger's consciousness would REALLY hate if I was a pastor.

Duke wasn't a good fit for me. I felt that the only reason for me to go there was to learn how to be a pastor, and I truly feel that I'm not conventional enough to be a pastor. I promise you that I would likely leave Duke in a severe amount of debt. And to be honest, I don't have the academic or social background to get in anyway. And I don't want to be specific and name names, but I felt like some of the relationships that I have worked hard to cultivate would have been jeopardized if I went there. For various reasons.

I don't think that seminary is for me. In fact, the only school that I intend to apply to is Wesley Theological Seminary, only because their curriculum has a M. Div with a concentration in Urban Ministry. I believe that's close enough to my calling.

It will be hard for me to even seriously consider leaving Durham. But if that's what it takes to get re-trained, that's what will happen. At least I'm looking at a bigger market.

I think I am seeking God's will in this, and I am overjoyed.

Regards,
ERS