I will admit that logic sometimes escapes me.
I have a difference called Asperger's Syndrome, and I admit that I've made illogical decisions in my past. We all live and learn, however, and I can say that my walk with God and and with life has spurred me to understand everything. It has inspired me to write a "sermon series", if you will, on several key things in our society. I'll be explaining how I view these issues, and I will comment/wonder aloud on whether or not that vibes with American society. I will begin with religion. Oh boy.
I will say that I have been the beneficiary of a relationship with Jesus Christ since late 2009, and I will say that it was the best decision of my life. I personally feel no need to question the Bible, and I believe that all of the theological questions/controversies that I have encountered over the years have honestly made my head swim. Why can't Christians agree that Jesus is Lord without getting into a argument about who is right.
Unlike a lot of Christians that I have personally encountered, I don't really come from a liturgical tradition. I spent time in the African-American Baptist Church and the congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses when I was younger, but I bucked that tradition for good at around 19 years of age. For some reason, I didn't really want to be a part of a segregated tradition (that's how I saw it) and I wanted to live the sex, rock and roll, and booze lifestyle (in that order) for a while.
I haven't been saved since I was 4. I never went to a high school youth group. I'm behind on a few things here.
It really hurts my heart to find that the politics of religion, the sales pitches, the divisiveness, and theological posturing has seeped into the Triangle. It turned me off on seminary, and it's caused me to reconsider a lot of alliances and institutions in my mist. I am unsure of whether or not I'll maintain the same alliances six months from now. It's God's call. I don't know. I don't think that I really fit in totally with any church in the Triangle. I know im going to have to make do with what is before me.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
7 random thoughts..aka remille at his most dangerous
1.I just heard that my alma mater added men's lacrosse to their athletic department. Good news, I guess...but weren't they trying to improve the male-female ratio???? The hits keep on coming!
2. I'm a hockey fan, and it's weird that the Phoenix Coyotes are making the run that they are despite the fact that they may relocate to Quebec City after it's all over???!!!?
3. Call it divine intervention, karma, or whatever you will, but it's probably fair to see Winnipeg and Quebec (possibly) back in the NHL.
4. Obama was in town today to rally support for the status quo on student loan interest rates. I wish I was there to see him. I also wish he would find a way to eliminate my student debt.
5. Durham can be really, really transient and really, really small sometimes. Which is why it is such an awesome place.
6. I am convinced that religion is man-made. Only a relationship with Jesus matters.
7. I am also convinced that religion is divisive (even among the communities that get the concept of the Gospel right). This conclusion aided my decision in postponing or ending my seminary dream.
2. I'm a hockey fan, and it's weird that the Phoenix Coyotes are making the run that they are despite the fact that they may relocate to Quebec City after it's all over???!!!?
3. Call it divine intervention, karma, or whatever you will, but it's probably fair to see Winnipeg and Quebec (possibly) back in the NHL.
4. Obama was in town today to rally support for the status quo on student loan interest rates. I wish I was there to see him. I also wish he would find a way to eliminate my student debt.
5. Durham can be really, really transient and really, really small sometimes. Which is why it is such an awesome place.
6. I am convinced that religion is man-made. Only a relationship with Jesus matters.
7. I am also convinced that religion is divisive (even among the communities that get the concept of the Gospel right). This conclusion aided my decision in postponing or ending my seminary dream.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
sunrise 6-13-2008-sunset 4-6-2012
I accepted a job at Whole Foods Market's Durham store last week.
I actually see this as a personal opportunity. It is weird for me to say this because I have an English degree from Methodist University (I repent of the urge to take a jab at the school), but we unfortunately live in a different America. It would be fun if I moved up at Whole Foods and challenged myself.
I surprise myself when I say that it was difficult to leave the job I had. I've wanted to acheive a better-paying job ever since I arrived at Wal-Mart, and I failed in that endeavor so consistently that I thought the chance would never arrive. The Lord works miracles.
And the Lord is also a great teacher. He used the store to teach me a love for the unloveable and the forsaken. I came to Wal-Mart as a spoiled, selfish knucklehead who believed that he wasn't going to be there a month. I left there with a stronger heart for God and for people.
I am looking forward to my future endeavors.
I actually see this as a personal opportunity. It is weird for me to say this because I have an English degree from Methodist University (I repent of the urge to take a jab at the school), but we unfortunately live in a different America. It would be fun if I moved up at Whole Foods and challenged myself.
I surprise myself when I say that it was difficult to leave the job I had. I've wanted to acheive a better-paying job ever since I arrived at Wal-Mart, and I failed in that endeavor so consistently that I thought the chance would never arrive. The Lord works miracles.
And the Lord is also a great teacher. He used the store to teach me a love for the unloveable and the forsaken. I came to Wal-Mart as a spoiled, selfish knucklehead who believed that he wasn't going to be there a month. I left there with a stronger heart for God and for people.
I am looking forward to my future endeavors.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
RE: Methodist University Inauguration
I have been an alumnus of Methodist University for about four and a half years. I still wrestle with whether or not I am a proud alumni of said school. But I want to be a proud alumni. I chose to air this out now while the Inauguration was still fresh.
I have had this on my heart for a while, and I can't stay silent. This is therapy for me.
The following is a open letter to President Hancock, the MU Powers-That-Be, alumni, and even current students......
To The Methodist University Community At Large (And there's something for alumni, too),
I was unable to attend the inauguration of President Hancock, but I wish I was there. I am happy and doing well in Durham, and I am involved in the faith based non-profit sector and the church community.
Methodist has been good to me in a lot of ways. You gave a college degree and allowed me to develop some sort of independence away from home. The friends I made during my era and the experiences that I had at MU were thrilling.
But not everything was perfect during my time. The academic advisement that I received was sub par. MU's system of things at the time forced you to become your old advisor. That didn't work for some of us. (especially yours truly). I will own up to ALL of my academic failures and shortcomings, but I believe the advisement system was rigged to keep the individuals that were striving to graduate enrolled as long as possible. Granted, some of us weren't as academically sharp as others, but it still occurred. I believe this malady has been addressed already, but the fact that it was this way has jaded several alumni.
The only other real concern that bothers me is the issue of retention. I believe that I've pinpointed the cause. I want to make it known that the football program has a habit-no, a mandate-to recruit over 120 FRESHMAN football players per year, no matter who returned previously. And if you can do a little bit of research, you can see that only 25 to 30 of these freshmen return for their sophomore year. It isn't just limited to football; men's basketball brings in about 15 a year, baseball 20, men's soccer around 18, and so on. The women do it, too.
We can't expect those that could not find any playing time on their particular team to stay if they've been jaded by an athletic failure. It is 2012. We cannot expect to convince a lot of these kids to just be students here if their primary mission for coming was just to play a little ball. It is a different generation.
I feel that taking it on the front end to make a profit while accepting that you will take it on the back end is a bit unethical. When you recruit more, it is harder to retain and develop a sense of community. We are deceiving these kids. I've heard stories of deception and false promises spoken by MU recruiters in order to get the athlete enrolled. The truth of these stories are debatable, but deception is a sin. And we are affiliated with the Methodist church. I don't know about you, but sin is unacceptable to me.
Let's reduce the sizes of athletic teams at Methodist, and make up for the lost revenue by recruiting more non-athletes, raising academic standards, and retaining more of the ones we have.
A lot of male students, past and present (me included) also HATED the male-female ratio. I understand that it is a challenge to recruit female students due to the private school cost and the poor reputation of the surrounding city and military community. The previous regime botched the ratio severely by implementing too many programs for the men and not enough programs for the women. And I don't think that the previous president really cared about this idiosyncrasy. I know the ratio has improved, but I feel we should shoot for an 50/50 ratio, and I believe that can be done via wider recruitment of non-athletes and an increase in international students. I hope this is being worked on. And could someone email me some actual numbers on the ratio??? :) My email address is eshipman@hotmail.com.
Otherwise, I believe that Methodist is awesome, and I believe that Dr. Hancock will walk the walk and take us to the next level. I believe that he is trying to correct these issues as we speak. This may sound like a tongue lashing, but I appreciate everything and I am for you.
For those that are still bitter about their MU experience, don't be. I'm praying for you. Make the BEST of your situation! I still struggle with bitterness about my experience, but the cross of Christ has helped me forgive those that scorned me.
In Him,
E. Remille Shipman
I have had this on my heart for a while, and I can't stay silent. This is therapy for me.
The following is a open letter to President Hancock, the MU Powers-That-Be, alumni, and even current students......
To The Methodist University Community At Large (And there's something for alumni, too),
I was unable to attend the inauguration of President Hancock, but I wish I was there. I am happy and doing well in Durham, and I am involved in the faith based non-profit sector and the church community.
Methodist has been good to me in a lot of ways. You gave a college degree and allowed me to develop some sort of independence away from home. The friends I made during my era and the experiences that I had at MU were thrilling.
But not everything was perfect during my time. The academic advisement that I received was sub par. MU's system of things at the time forced you to become your old advisor. That didn't work for some of us. (especially yours truly). I will own up to ALL of my academic failures and shortcomings, but I believe the advisement system was rigged to keep the individuals that were striving to graduate enrolled as long as possible. Granted, some of us weren't as academically sharp as others, but it still occurred. I believe this malady has been addressed already, but the fact that it was this way has jaded several alumni.
The only other real concern that bothers me is the issue of retention. I believe that I've pinpointed the cause. I want to make it known that the football program has a habit-no, a mandate-to recruit over 120 FRESHMAN football players per year, no matter who returned previously. And if you can do a little bit of research, you can see that only 25 to 30 of these freshmen return for their sophomore year. It isn't just limited to football; men's basketball brings in about 15 a year, baseball 20, men's soccer around 18, and so on. The women do it, too.
We can't expect those that could not find any playing time on their particular team to stay if they've been jaded by an athletic failure. It is 2012. We cannot expect to convince a lot of these kids to just be students here if their primary mission for coming was just to play a little ball. It is a different generation.
I feel that taking it on the front end to make a profit while accepting that you will take it on the back end is a bit unethical. When you recruit more, it is harder to retain and develop a sense of community. We are deceiving these kids. I've heard stories of deception and false promises spoken by MU recruiters in order to get the athlete enrolled. The truth of these stories are debatable, but deception is a sin. And we are affiliated with the Methodist church. I don't know about you, but sin is unacceptable to me.
Let's reduce the sizes of athletic teams at Methodist, and make up for the lost revenue by recruiting more non-athletes, raising academic standards, and retaining more of the ones we have.
A lot of male students, past and present (me included) also HATED the male-female ratio. I understand that it is a challenge to recruit female students due to the private school cost and the poor reputation of the surrounding city and military community. The previous regime botched the ratio severely by implementing too many programs for the men and not enough programs for the women. And I don't think that the previous president really cared about this idiosyncrasy. I know the ratio has improved, but I feel we should shoot for an 50/50 ratio, and I believe that can be done via wider recruitment of non-athletes and an increase in international students. I hope this is being worked on. And could someone email me some actual numbers on the ratio??? :) My email address is eshipman@hotmail.com.
Otherwise, I believe that Methodist is awesome, and I believe that Dr. Hancock will walk the walk and take us to the next level. I believe that he is trying to correct these issues as we speak. This may sound like a tongue lashing, but I appreciate everything and I am for you.
For those that are still bitter about their MU experience, don't be. I'm praying for you. Make the BEST of your situation! I still struggle with bitterness about my experience, but the cross of Christ has helped me forgive those that scorned me.
In Him,
E. Remille Shipman
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Seminary, Part 4
I'm going to hold off on school for an indefinite period of time. I don't think that God's plan for my ministry requires me to enter the academic realm at this time.
I am 12,000 in debt as of this writing. I really don't want any more. I feel that college/seminary could be beneficial for some, but it could also be a vicious debt trap. I know a few people that are in seminary right now that are not sure of what they wish to accomplish. They are spinning their wheels and they are accumilating a ----load of debt. I can't do that. I already did that in undergrad.
Grace and peace,
Remille
I am 12,000 in debt as of this writing. I really don't want any more. I feel that college/seminary could be beneficial for some, but it could also be a vicious debt trap. I know a few people that are in seminary right now that are not sure of what they wish to accomplish. They are spinning their wheels and they are accumilating a ----load of debt. I can't do that. I already did that in undergrad.
Grace and peace,
Remille
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Seminary, Part 3
I finally reached some sort of clarity in my Christian life Tuesday night.
I was composing an email to one of my pastors when God changed my heart. For the past two months, I allowed myself to be preoccupied with the prospect (realistically slim nonetheless, but still a possibility) of attending DUKE UNIVERSITY'S DIVINITY SCHOOL! I believed that I would not have a chance in hell of getting in, but after an awesome visit in February, I continued on.
I went on to go through an application process that was very rigorous. It was, honestly, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I had to ask five persons to write me a letter of recommendation; that chore was a stretch because I would have to seek cooperation from Methodist University, and I hate to say that my college years weren't the most coherent years of my life academically. The essays that required me to write about my calling and theological issues were draining, but they also helped me to figure out what I am passionate about. I may have discussed this calling in previous parts of this blog series.
My original plan was to either be a second banana at a multiracial church or work in the non-profit industry. God laughed at that plan and put people in my life to remind me that the pastoral thing wouldn't suit my personality. There's a lot of denominational and social politics involved with the title of pastor, and I don't think I want that. I'm also concerned that I would be placed in a situation or pressured to make certain life decisions that my Asperger's consciousness would REALLY hate if I was a pastor.
Duke wasn't a good fit for me. I felt that the only reason for me to go there was to learn how to be a pastor, and I truly feel that I'm not conventional enough to be a pastor. I promise you that I would likely leave Duke in a severe amount of debt. And to be honest, I don't have the academic or social background to get in anyway. And I don't want to be specific and name names, but I felt like some of the relationships that I have worked hard to cultivate would have been jeopardized if I went there. For various reasons.
I don't think that seminary is for me. In fact, the only school that I intend to apply to is Wesley Theological Seminary, only because their curriculum has a M. Div with a concentration in Urban Ministry. I believe that's close enough to my calling.
It will be hard for me to even seriously consider leaving Durham. But if that's what it takes to get re-trained, that's what will happen. At least I'm looking at a bigger market.
I think I am seeking God's will in this, and I am overjoyed.
Regards,
ERS
I was composing an email to one of my pastors when God changed my heart. For the past two months, I allowed myself to be preoccupied with the prospect (realistically slim nonetheless, but still a possibility) of attending DUKE UNIVERSITY'S DIVINITY SCHOOL! I believed that I would not have a chance in hell of getting in, but after an awesome visit in February, I continued on.
I went on to go through an application process that was very rigorous. It was, honestly, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I had to ask five persons to write me a letter of recommendation; that chore was a stretch because I would have to seek cooperation from Methodist University, and I hate to say that my college years weren't the most coherent years of my life academically. The essays that required me to write about my calling and theological issues were draining, but they also helped me to figure out what I am passionate about. I may have discussed this calling in previous parts of this blog series.
My original plan was to either be a second banana at a multiracial church or work in the non-profit industry. God laughed at that plan and put people in my life to remind me that the pastoral thing wouldn't suit my personality. There's a lot of denominational and social politics involved with the title of pastor, and I don't think I want that. I'm also concerned that I would be placed in a situation or pressured to make certain life decisions that my Asperger's consciousness would REALLY hate if I was a pastor.
Duke wasn't a good fit for me. I felt that the only reason for me to go there was to learn how to be a pastor, and I truly feel that I'm not conventional enough to be a pastor. I promise you that I would likely leave Duke in a severe amount of debt. And to be honest, I don't have the academic or social background to get in anyway. And I don't want to be specific and name names, but I felt like some of the relationships that I have worked hard to cultivate would have been jeopardized if I went there. For various reasons.
I don't think that seminary is for me. In fact, the only school that I intend to apply to is Wesley Theological Seminary, only because their curriculum has a M. Div with a concentration in Urban Ministry. I believe that's close enough to my calling.
It will be hard for me to even seriously consider leaving Durham. But if that's what it takes to get re-trained, that's what will happen. At least I'm looking at a bigger market.
I think I am seeking God's will in this, and I am overjoyed.
Regards,
ERS
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Seminary, Part 2
I'm finished with my essays for seminary. I can't edit them any more thoroughly than I've already edited them.
Like I said in Part 1, the process of seminary has uncovered grave details about myself, my place in Durham, the Triangle, and the church, and what God would PROBABLY want me to do in my ministry. And a lot of what I've learned has jarred me.
I've discovered that my political and theological leanings steer me towards the mindset of what I call conservative envangelicalism. In layman's terms, I believe that the Bible should not be called into question, but at the same time, I stop short at calling myself a legalist or fundamentalist, because the stereotype of that title does not fit my personality.
God has also gently nudged my heart toward realizing that I have played a Jedi mind trick on myself for much of my adult life. I am a young African-American male that comes from a less-than-perfect family and academic infrastructure, and I've tried to fit in a culture here in Durham of people from more stable situations for years, to mixed success.
At the same time, I've never really fit in with African-American culture, and I confess that I find it unlikely that I will marry within my race, if I marry at all. Black women intimidate me more than women of any other race. I don't know why.
God created me in a very unique fashion. And I don't know if my personality or my experiences will mesh with the denominational politics of the world. I may not be a conventional minister. That's probably a good thing. There's too much of that out there.
I truly wish I knew what I'll be doing in the next few months. Will I remain with my church family for the long haul, or will I change cities or become involved with something that fits my vision of ministry even better?? I don't know. I HOPE not. Will I enroll in seminary or thrive in it? Will I have to get retrained vocationally to survive in this present broken world?? That's up in the air. How long will this season of singleness, healing, and discernment last before I advance to the next plateau in life? Hard to say.
It/s a wild ride.
Like I said in Part 1, the process of seminary has uncovered grave details about myself, my place in Durham, the Triangle, and the church, and what God would PROBABLY want me to do in my ministry. And a lot of what I've learned has jarred me.
I've discovered that my political and theological leanings steer me towards the mindset of what I call conservative envangelicalism. In layman's terms, I believe that the Bible should not be called into question, but at the same time, I stop short at calling myself a legalist or fundamentalist, because the stereotype of that title does not fit my personality.
God has also gently nudged my heart toward realizing that I have played a Jedi mind trick on myself for much of my adult life. I am a young African-American male that comes from a less-than-perfect family and academic infrastructure, and I've tried to fit in a culture here in Durham of people from more stable situations for years, to mixed success.
At the same time, I've never really fit in with African-American culture, and I confess that I find it unlikely that I will marry within my race, if I marry at all. Black women intimidate me more than women of any other race. I don't know why.
God created me in a very unique fashion. And I don't know if my personality or my experiences will mesh with the denominational politics of the world. I may not be a conventional minister. That's probably a good thing. There's too much of that out there.
I truly wish I knew what I'll be doing in the next few months. Will I remain with my church family for the long haul, or will I change cities or become involved with something that fits my vision of ministry even better?? I don't know. I HOPE not. Will I enroll in seminary or thrive in it? Will I have to get retrained vocationally to survive in this present broken world?? That's up in the air. How long will this season of singleness, healing, and discernment last before I advance to the next plateau in life? Hard to say.
It/s a wild ride.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Seminary, Part 1
The personal process of responding to God's call to ordained or lay ministry has been excruciating.
Let me say that I have a lot of respect for those that choose to enter the parish. It is a demanding and noble calling to bear. I'll leave it at that.
And these applications- I have to write two one page essays for Duke and one for every other seminary-are a bear in itself.
It's because I have to share my theology with others for the first time ever, or in some cases, academics who don't know who I am as a man of God.
It's very simple-I refuse, under any circumstances, to question the Bible or the authority of Jesus, as some are prone to do. I do, however, desire to make a more intentional effort to bring people from different backgrounds together to worship, and I want to make a concentrated effort to defend and deliver the Gospel to the poor.
I will confess that a LOT of places in the area do not do the latter two very well. This COUNTRY doesn't do it very well. My vision is extremely lofty and somewhat grandiose.
Plus, I've applied to schools that I'm familiar with location-wise and past life experiences-wise, instead of seeking schools based on ideology. You may think that may or may not be a good idea.
When I felt moved to pursue this direction of life, I originally targeted Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina, because of its proximity to Durham. Now it's a fallback, in part because of minor theological differences concerning legalism (which drew me away from the church in the first place).
I wonder if I will fit in socially at my two top choices. Duke is a place that I would love to experience, but I have about a 30 percent chance of getting admitted because of my academic performance and my late beginning in the app process. Wesley may be easier to get into, and it may actually be the best fit for what I THINK I'm called to accomplish at least in terms of academic preparation, but I would have to leave Durham...
What's worse is that my experience at Wal-Mart has clearly stated to my Aspie consciousness that I am NOT rich. This might affect me socially. Plus, I'm actually praying for God to provide financially concerning this seminary thing.
This will be a two, or even three parter.
Let me say that I have a lot of respect for those that choose to enter the parish. It is a demanding and noble calling to bear. I'll leave it at that.
And these applications- I have to write two one page essays for Duke and one for every other seminary-are a bear in itself.
It's because I have to share my theology with others for the first time ever, or in some cases, academics who don't know who I am as a man of God.
It's very simple-I refuse, under any circumstances, to question the Bible or the authority of Jesus, as some are prone to do. I do, however, desire to make a more intentional effort to bring people from different backgrounds together to worship, and I want to make a concentrated effort to defend and deliver the Gospel to the poor.
I will confess that a LOT of places in the area do not do the latter two very well. This COUNTRY doesn't do it very well. My vision is extremely lofty and somewhat grandiose.
Plus, I've applied to schools that I'm familiar with location-wise and past life experiences-wise, instead of seeking schools based on ideology. You may think that may or may not be a good idea.
When I felt moved to pursue this direction of life, I originally targeted Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina, because of its proximity to Durham. Now it's a fallback, in part because of minor theological differences concerning legalism (which drew me away from the church in the first place).
I wonder if I will fit in socially at my two top choices. Duke is a place that I would love to experience, but I have about a 30 percent chance of getting admitted because of my academic performance and my late beginning in the app process. Wesley may be easier to get into, and it may actually be the best fit for what I THINK I'm called to accomplish at least in terms of academic preparation, but I would have to leave Durham...
What's worse is that my experience at Wal-Mart has clearly stated to my Aspie consciousness that I am NOT rich. This might affect me socially. Plus, I'm actually praying for God to provide financially concerning this seminary thing.
This will be a two, or even three parter.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Valentine's Day, round 28
I think Valentine's Day sucks.
I may sound like a man with sour grapes because I've never been in a romantic relationship. But I think it's the truth.
I believe the day glorifies materialism. I've never believed that you should buy your way to a woman's heart. A true man would give her wife flowers on ANY day he sees fit. A true man wants to consistently nourish his wife.
I know I'd be at a disadvantage tomorrow anyway, because I can barely buy the affection of my dog, let alone a woman. That's one of the reasons why I believe I am still single. People want style over substance. I can only give you substance at this point.
Have fun, Durham.
I may sound like a man with sour grapes because I've never been in a romantic relationship. But I think it's the truth.
I believe the day glorifies materialism. I've never believed that you should buy your way to a woman's heart. A true man would give her wife flowers on ANY day he sees fit. A true man wants to consistently nourish his wife.
I know I'd be at a disadvantage tomorrow anyway, because I can barely buy the affection of my dog, let alone a woman. That's one of the reasons why I believe I am still single. People want style over substance. I can only give you substance at this point.
Have fun, Durham.
Monday, January 23, 2012
You Are Going To Think I Am Nuts After This...
It's official. I am applying to Duke Divinity School in an effort to earn my Master of Divinity degree. I arranged for an official campus visit yesterday.
And I'm also applying to Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C. My buddy Dave is set to finish up in May, and I'm at least familiar with the dormitory setup :)
My decision to pursue such a thing was empowered by the Spirit. It would be blasphemous to suggest otherwise. I wasn't even seriously considering seminary at this time last year. I spent 2011 searching for a professional direction. I would bring up a lot of possible directions to my friends and cohorts, but they never got off the ground.
God is awesome. He moves in mysterious ways. He made me to do this ministry thing in some sort or fashion when He created me 28 years ago. I believe He did. Heck, he called me to ministry in a bar, for crying out loud.
I know that there are challenges ahead for me. I refused to consider private schools in my previous graduate school forays for financial reasons, so how am I going to pay? Will I even get into any seminary given my past? Will I even be a credible minister given my unique personality and interests???
I don't care about that right now. I'm just going to go for it.
And I'm also applying to Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C. My buddy Dave is set to finish up in May, and I'm at least familiar with the dormitory setup :)
My decision to pursue such a thing was empowered by the Spirit. It would be blasphemous to suggest otherwise. I wasn't even seriously considering seminary at this time last year. I spent 2011 searching for a professional direction. I would bring up a lot of possible directions to my friends and cohorts, but they never got off the ground.
God is awesome. He moves in mysterious ways. He made me to do this ministry thing in some sort or fashion when He created me 28 years ago. I believe He did. Heck, he called me to ministry in a bar, for crying out loud.
I know that there are challenges ahead for me. I refused to consider private schools in my previous graduate school forays for financial reasons, so how am I going to pay? Will I even get into any seminary given my past? Will I even be a credible minister given my unique personality and interests???
I don't care about that right now. I'm just going to go for it.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a mandatory tool that one must master as a follower of Jesus Christ.
The ENTIRE message of the Gospel is centered around forgiveness. Jesus forgave your sins, no matter how numerous or vicious those sins were. Once you receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and recieve His gift of everlasting life, you are called to forgive others for whatever wrongs they committed against you. Some people pick up this trait pretty easily. Others have to learn how to forgive.
Unfortunately, I stand in the latter.
I've been accused of being grumpy and/or negative on occasion. These observations have been made by Facebook observers since I've been freed.
You can tag that flaw on my struggles with forgiveness. I admit it....I struggled with forgiving Methodist University for their failure to provide me with any legit connections for employment, devising a poor academic advisement system, or failing to have a respectable guy to girl ratio.
I've had to forgive my parents (mostly my mother) for trying too hard to protect me at crucial times in my life.I had to forgive the socio-environment of Eastern North Carolina for failing to provide me with some of the tools that would be essential to survive in academia and the real world. Most of all, I had to forgive myself for being lazy, choosing the wrong schools, feeling inadequate in my efforts to reach certain subcultures for Jesus Christ, for being ridiculously passive in the face of opportunity, and for my lackluster academic performance in college.
But Jesus forgave me for my many sins, and He's reminding me that I need to forgive myself and others.
Adieu.
The ENTIRE message of the Gospel is centered around forgiveness. Jesus forgave your sins, no matter how numerous or vicious those sins were. Once you receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and recieve His gift of everlasting life, you are called to forgive others for whatever wrongs they committed against you. Some people pick up this trait pretty easily. Others have to learn how to forgive.
Unfortunately, I stand in the latter.
I've been accused of being grumpy and/or negative on occasion. These observations have been made by Facebook observers since I've been freed.
You can tag that flaw on my struggles with forgiveness. I admit it....I struggled with forgiving Methodist University for their failure to provide me with any legit connections for employment, devising a poor academic advisement system, or failing to have a respectable guy to girl ratio.
I've had to forgive my parents (mostly my mother) for trying too hard to protect me at crucial times in my life.I had to forgive the socio-environment of Eastern North Carolina for failing to provide me with some of the tools that would be essential to survive in academia and the real world. Most of all, I had to forgive myself for being lazy, choosing the wrong schools, feeling inadequate in my efforts to reach certain subcultures for Jesus Christ, for being ridiculously passive in the face of opportunity, and for my lackluster academic performance in college.
But Jesus forgave me for my many sins, and He's reminding me that I need to forgive myself and others.
Adieu.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A Mini Year-In-Review
I haven't been able to blog in a while.
While this inactivity can be attributed to the computer problems that I've had for
the last month, I can actually attribute my inactivity to sloth, which is inexcusable.
But I digress. It's a new year, and I believe that new opportunities are ahead for
me, as long as I keep my eyes toward the heavens.
I don't know if I want to waste energy by putting 2011 in review. I could have done that about three or four years ago. But I just want to enjoy the good moments in life now.
I believe that the most memorable event that occured happened to me in 2011 would be my baptism at Vintage 21 in July. Nothing can top the importance of that, but switching churches, volunteering at the Reality Center and actually growing in my faith in Christ would also count as positive life developments .
I didn't do anything of note professionally. There's a reason for that. I admit I gave up searching for a suitable job for a while. I'm still looking, but now my priority is applying to seminary. I'm applying to Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary close by and maybe Wesley in Washington D.C..
I'm happiest on Sunday mornings, and I think I am finally being called to serve God in some capacity of ministry.
But my biggest personal New Year's Revolution would be to work harder.
While this inactivity can be attributed to the computer problems that I've had for
the last month, I can actually attribute my inactivity to sloth, which is inexcusable.
But I digress. It's a new year, and I believe that new opportunities are ahead for
me, as long as I keep my eyes toward the heavens.
I don't know if I want to waste energy by putting 2011 in review. I could have done that about three or four years ago. But I just want to enjoy the good moments in life now.
I believe that the most memorable event that occured happened to me in 2011 would be my baptism at Vintage 21 in July. Nothing can top the importance of that, but switching churches, volunteering at the Reality Center and actually growing in my faith in Christ would also count as positive life developments .
I didn't do anything of note professionally. There's a reason for that. I admit I gave up searching for a suitable job for a while. I'm still looking, but now my priority is applying to seminary. I'm applying to Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary close by and maybe Wesley in Washington D.C..
I'm happiest on Sunday mornings, and I think I am finally being called to serve God in some capacity of ministry.
But my biggest personal New Year's Revolution would be to work harder.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Making Peace With Methodist
On October 22, I decided to rev up the 1997 Ford Explorer to go to Methodist University's Homecoming football game. I looked forward to this day for weeks beforehand. For some twisted reason I always look forward to returning to the land of the Green and Gold.
I kept taking jabs at MU (and Fayetteville in general) in mediums such as these until I got saved in October 2009. Since then I've made a conscious effort to not even talk about the university or bash it, and Methodist has made some vast improvements to its overall atmosphere.
Dr. Ben Hancock is in his first full year there, and he's already cleaned up the residence halls, developed some great future plans for the school, and put on a public relations blitz towards the alumni. A nursing program was also pushed through, and it's added 160 new students, about 85 percent of that being female. The male-to-female ratio has improved to around 60 to 40. And the school's really beginning to grow in size.
I was able to see these things again, and I was also able to see a number of people that I went to class with, hung around with, and partied with. Most of them have jobs or are in graduate school. It seems like half of them are starting families, as well.
Later on I settled in with a few friends of mine, and we went downtown for dinner and drink. I eventually wound up at DM's Sports Bar (formerly Double Bogey's) which wasn't all that impressive in hindsight. Methodist students have switched college bars several times in the last several years, and apparently they have gone full circle to DM's after souring on Last Call and being banished from Izzy's. It was more of the same stuff that I got used to at Methodist: the male-to-female ratio was 90-to-10, and belligerence was at a high level. The nursing program did not exist at that moment.
Despite this reality, I think Methodist is on the up and up, and I really do feel that the students are happy. There are still some issues, most notably overcrowding and retention numbers.
Seriously, if you if you cut the number of freshman football players from 130 to 40 or 50, you'd lose a little money but eliminate the bulk of your retention issues. But give Dr. Hancock time to tweak some things. He hasn't begun the cleanup process yet.
When I was a student, I believed that the main issues of the university were a lopsided male to female ratio and retention. Do you believe that these are still issues? If so, what are you going to do about it?
We are MU.
I kept taking jabs at MU (and Fayetteville in general) in mediums such as these until I got saved in October 2009. Since then I've made a conscious effort to not even talk about the university or bash it, and Methodist has made some vast improvements to its overall atmosphere.
Dr. Ben Hancock is in his first full year there, and he's already cleaned up the residence halls, developed some great future plans for the school, and put on a public relations blitz towards the alumni. A nursing program was also pushed through, and it's added 160 new students, about 85 percent of that being female. The male-to-female ratio has improved to around 60 to 40. And the school's really beginning to grow in size.
I was able to see these things again, and I was also able to see a number of people that I went to class with, hung around with, and partied with. Most of them have jobs or are in graduate school. It seems like half of them are starting families, as well.
Later on I settled in with a few friends of mine, and we went downtown for dinner and drink. I eventually wound up at DM's Sports Bar (formerly Double Bogey's) which wasn't all that impressive in hindsight. Methodist students have switched college bars several times in the last several years, and apparently they have gone full circle to DM's after souring on Last Call and being banished from Izzy's. It was more of the same stuff that I got used to at Methodist: the male-to-female ratio was 90-to-10, and belligerence was at a high level. The nursing program did not exist at that moment.
Despite this reality, I think Methodist is on the up and up, and I really do feel that the students are happy. There are still some issues, most notably overcrowding and retention numbers.
Seriously, if you if you cut the number of freshman football players from 130 to 40 or 50, you'd lose a little money but eliminate the bulk of your retention issues. But give Dr. Hancock time to tweak some things. He hasn't begun the cleanup process yet.
In fact, if the Dr. is reading this now, I'd like to finish by asking him this...
When I was a student, I believed that the main issues of the university were a lopsided male to female ratio and retention. Do you believe that these are still issues? If so, what are you going to do about it?
We are MU.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Confessions, Part 3: More Love, and Such
About a month ago, I ranted about my love life. Or lack of it. I've had a chance to cool off, so once again this may be a underwhelming article...
But yeah, the idea of entering a relationship....aaahhh. It's harder than I thought. I honestly, honestly believe that the odds are 50/50 that I'll find myself in a relationship in my lifetime.
Then again, I've been commanded to wait, so I have little choice but to wait. And slow the process down. And so on, and so on.
One more thing....You won't see me on these dating websites anymore. I've flirted with them, and let me tell you..I almost puked. That would have been a sight.
Happy trails.
But yeah, the idea of entering a relationship....aaahhh. It's harder than I thought. I honestly, honestly believe that the odds are 50/50 that I'll find myself in a relationship in my lifetime.
Then again, I've been commanded to wait, so I have little choice but to wait. And slow the process down. And so on, and so on.
One more thing....You won't see me on these dating websites anymore. I've flirted with them, and let me tell you..I almost puked. That would have been a sight.
Happy trails.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Confessions, Part II:Love
Love is the easiest and the hardest thing I've had to comprehend in my life.
On one hand, I find it easier than ever to love someone in the context of the Golden Rule. It's easier for me to love someone as Christ loved someone. The feeling of giving and recieving love has been very rewarding for me.
There's also been the other part of love-that is, searching for, finding, and enjoying a romantic relationship. That's been really hard.
First of all, there's this thing called Asperger's Syndrome that I have, as well as all the stigmas that come along with it (limited social skills, hardcore quirkiness, etc.) I've also had to go through years of un-learning weird behaviors and the player-type mentality that I learned at Methodist. Heck, I don't think I would have been a good boyfriend to anyone at any period of my life until the light went on this summer.
And there's also the attraction factor. In my past life I would only go after people that I had a physical attraction to. I didn't really know what I wanted in a partner. Today I tend to seek believers that are low-maintence, really into some form of social justice, and artistic in some way. I haven't found her yet. :(
I also tend to face a lot of competition for some of the girls I pursue. I guess I would be dropping hints on my type here, but I think I wouldn't be single right now if I dated some of the people that society tells me to date. I am somehow wired this way, and I am clueless why.
Don't even get me started on the financial deal. Love is..love.
I'm going to continue later.
On one hand, I find it easier than ever to love someone in the context of the Golden Rule. It's easier for me to love someone as Christ loved someone. The feeling of giving and recieving love has been very rewarding for me.
There's also been the other part of love-that is, searching for, finding, and enjoying a romantic relationship. That's been really hard.
First of all, there's this thing called Asperger's Syndrome that I have, as well as all the stigmas that come along with it (limited social skills, hardcore quirkiness, etc.) I've also had to go through years of un-learning weird behaviors and the player-type mentality that I learned at Methodist. Heck, I don't think I would have been a good boyfriend to anyone at any period of my life until the light went on this summer.
And there's also the attraction factor. In my past life I would only go after people that I had a physical attraction to. I didn't really know what I wanted in a partner. Today I tend to seek believers that are low-maintence, really into some form of social justice, and artistic in some way. I haven't found her yet. :(
I also tend to face a lot of competition for some of the girls I pursue. I guess I would be dropping hints on my type here, but I think I wouldn't be single right now if I dated some of the people that society tells me to date. I am somehow wired this way, and I am clueless why.
Don't even get me started on the financial deal. Love is..love.
I'm going to continue later.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Confessions, Part 1:The Battle with Ego.
My ego sucks.
I think it peaked during college when I wrote for the school newspaper. That was my identity, and I worshipped that idol to the point where I wouldn't write stories that would hurt my popularity. I used to think that it wasn't a big issue.
I also used to think that my ego didn't even exist. But it quietly controlled my life. I hid my ego for a long time, but I always fed it. I wanted attention and admiration and I would pout inside and curse others if I didn't get it.
I transferred colleges and put myself in a $13,000 student loan debt hole because I wanted to be loved like I was in high school.
I whined and complained post college about Fayetteville because my ego wasn't satisfied and there weren't enough girls on my bandwagon.
I'll even admit that, at one time, I got offended and wanted to leave the Triangle at one point because the city, its culture, and the women here weren't giving me the time of day. That happened earlier this year.
I realize today that I left Grace in part because my ego wasn't being fed. My soul was being spiritually fed, but I felt that everybody should like me because I'm a great person. When the newness of being in the community wore off and I didn't get that feeling of admiration, I grumbled in my heart.
I left Grace with God's blessing, but only now do I see the root of why my time ended there.
The Fransecsa's false alarm opened my eyes and helped me to actually see my vicious pride. Relationships were potentially going to be destroyed if I didn't address it.
I am who I am, redeemed by the blood of Jesus. Even when I got saved, I wanted to be the center of your universe because my ego demanded it. Now I know that I will never be the center.
Now I'm trying to kill my vicious, digusting, lascivious ego. My future depends on it.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sports Biz Wish List
1. It's a month old, but if you haven't read Bill Simmons' plan on how to fix the National Basketball Association recently, go back to this archive and do it. Here's the link below (if I can upload it....)
The only thing that really teed me off was his insistence that the town of Charlotte, North Carolina couldn't support an NBA franchise. Hogwash! The Charlotte Hornets sold out 358 consecutive games in their heyday!!!! I know Charlotte's banking industry and unemployment rate sucks, but don't trash them just yet!! I wish they would just merge the Hornets and Bobcats and go back to 29 teams (the NBA operated at that number for 8 or 9 years). Charlotte would get the Hornets back then.
I would also move the Grizzlies back to Vancouver, move Milwaukee to Chicago and move Sacramento to Anaheim. That would solve the small-market issue (kinda). Or if you want to keep 30 NBA franchises, move the Bobcats to Seattle and let Charlotte have its Hornets back. Also, I'd split the revenue 50/50 between players and owners. Bet that won't happen.
2.I wish they would make a decision on the NHL's Phoenix Coyotes and move on.
3.As for the failed NHL Sun Belt experiment-I think it is logical to have the Kings, Ducks, and Sharks around, as well as the Stars, due to their presence in large U.S. TV markets. People do not count Florida as a southern state, so I guess you could keep Florida and Tampa Bay. I live in the Triangle, and there are a lot of educated Yankees here. Keep Carolina, on pure bias, because I am a Hurricanes fan. Nashville survived their relocation trial in 2007. Otherwise, ice everybody else, although I'd ship Phoenix to Winnipeg instead of Atlanta due to market size.
4.If an NFL team ever comes to Los Angeles, the only logical candidates that I would like to move would be the Rams, Raiders, and Chargers, due to their past history with the city.
5.I hope Division III colleges quit cattle call recruiting for football and only enlist student-athletes that can survive in the classroom and could legitimately contribute to their football teams. This has teed me off for five-plus years now.
Peace now..
Monday, July 18, 2011
from a washed up night owl....
I am twenty-seven years old.
And I've lived long enough to say that I can fortunately-or unfortunately-say that I've had a lot of experience with dance clubs and the like.
As a Christian, and as a twenty-seven year old male with things to actually lose these days, I'm finally becoming a stubborn bull about what places and clubs I'll go to. What amazes me is the sheer fact that a 21-year old Remille would be shocked with the caution of a twenty-seven-old Remille. To be honest, Remille at 21 would go wherever the girls were.
I think it's safe to say that you won't be seeing me at any hip-hop dance clubs where a lost soul would kill me with a .45 or where I would have to look at seeing frat boys in Polo's, sorority girls who haven't matured on the inside, or G.I.'s who may fall into a trap marriage. I could never compete in an environment where testosterone or hormones were heavily emphasized. I can't start now.
I don't want to be spotted where my friend Kendal Kinlaw (who is pretty cool, by the way) wouldn't be caught dead at. This disqualifies about 65% of Franklin Street, i.e. East End, Players, La Residence, Pantana Bob's, etc. This is why Durham is more ideal for me, because you don't have these joints clogging up the place.
Kildare's, however, actually does have good karaoke nights on Tuesdays, and karaoke is more up my alley. I do like to go to the dance parties that places like the Pinhook, Kings, or the Station throw; they aren't really hormonal and the objective there is to have a good time.
That's my two cents.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
mercy
Kendrick Vinar preached a great sermon a week or two ago on the subject of mercy triumphing over judgement.
What stood out was the comment about the total lack of good guys and bad guys in God's eyes. He loves us all equally. In His universe, the spectacle of Cowboys vs. Redskins, Protestants vs. Catholics, Caucasians vs. African Americans, that kind of thing.
Of course, Kendrick also stated that are three main reasons why people find themselves behind the eight-ball...Social injustice (imho, one of the reasons why several minorities and poor Caucasians struggle today), natural disaster (e.g. the recent tornadoes), and personal sin.
I see all three of these plights, in some fashion, at my job. I won't go into detail about exactly how I notice these things. But I see them and I want them to receive God's mercy.
I do not feel that us human beings (non-believers and even some believers) who live in the Triangle do a good enough job of showing mercy towards those that seem different from them or less affluent than them. It's human nature to stereotype and run away from them.
Think about this: How would Jesus see the poor, the black, the Hispanic, the socially inept? Would He shoo them away???
Let us love each other.
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